I am still open to the possibility of a miracle and I just found out that the tumors are growing and are not responding to my present therapy. Once again, I feel the presence of death waiting for me and talking to me, reminding me that I have no idea how long I will live but that I must live as if I don't have much time.

One of the first things whispered to me this time was, "Write about what I am teaching you and share it with your friends. These are good teachings, whether you live one more day or 40 years."

So I will share with you the highlights of what I am learning from the pre-sence of death in hopes that they will somehow touch you and change your life as they have changed mine.

• Death of the body and personality are inevitable. Keeping that awareness in our consciousness helps us to live more fully while we are here. Why am I here? What is the best possible way to live my life? What is left of me when my body and psyche stop existing?

• When we are young we often experience the presence of what appears to be unlimited energy. But as we get older or more infirm, we begin to experience a limitation in our energy supplies. When this happens, it becomes important that we ask this question: "Is this person or situation nurturing me or draining me?" If it is nurturing, be fully present. If it is draining, get out of the situation or away from the person and stay away. We cannot afford to give away energy in order to be polite. We need this energy for healing and living.

• Don't spend much time worrying or thinking about answers to pressing questions in your life. Get clear on the need or question. Then, surrender and give the question to the Divine Mother or the Great Mystery. And stay alert for the answer. Here are two personal examples of how this has worked for me.

The second example is more personal but I feel I need to be vulnerable and share the truth with you. When I found I had cancer and would need a colostomy, I felt certain I would never again feel the warmth and tenderness of a woman by my side in bed. Never again be mated. Even though I saw this as an impossible goal, I still said my prayer to the Mother and surrendered. I now have the companionship of Diane and the relationship I have prayed for over many years. (Ed note: see Chalice of the Sacred Feminine in this issue.)

• Don't leave anything unsaid. You never know when the conversation you are having with someone is the last one you'll ever have.

• Death has encouraged me to ask these questions whenever I am trying to decide what to do: What would I do if I only had one year to live? Six months? Three months? One month? One week? One day?

• Don't waste precious moments of life feeling sorry for yourself. It doesn't help anything and it drains the life-force from your body that you desperately need to conserve. It's like dying ahead of time.

Each moment is precious. Take in the fullness of it.

• When we give others our attention, we give them a little piece of our life. Speak clearly, precisely, to the point. When you have someone's attention, use it well; don't waste one breath of their life. Ramble less and tell fewer long stories when the essence is what's called for.

• Always express appreciation for a job well done. When someone does something with precision, courage, strength and love, let them know. It's wonderful to know that someone noticed. It encourages us to be the best we can be.

• The moment you know something is inevitable (no choice), surrender and ask for assistance. Don't fight what has already been decided. It's a waste of energy.

As this process continues and more is revealed to me, I will share the information with you. In the meantime, know that I hold all of you in my heart and that I am still overwhelmed by the love and support that come to me daily through our circle of love.

The Chalice of the Sacred Feminine

by Diane Soash

On a recent journey to Kauai with our brother Tomas Dunphy, I found myself in an environment where I was given abundant opportunity to "walk my talk." The question was constantly before me: "How deeply, consistently and lovingly can I allow the Goddess/Priestess energy to flow vibrantly through me?"

She emerged slowly and gently within. Her whispers in my heart felt like intuitive knowing. Each morning, Tomas and I rose before dawn to witness the grand spectacle of Father Sun rising over Grandmother Ocean. As the dawn ecstatically unfolded, I would pray to receive the inspiration this new day offered.

One morning, the rays of the sun emerged from behind the clouds in a huge crown of golden light. As I turned to Tomas, I saw reflected in his soul a King! I was startled to see this, for I had never before connected his soul with royalty; once seen, however, it fit him like an old cloak.

It was clear to me in that moment that the crown of light was for him; this day was to honor the King within Tomas. The "talk" of my intuition suggested further that this was the day for us to go the Birthing Stone at the sacred heiau (ancient ceremonial site) at Ke'e Beach, where the ancient Hawaiian royalty gave birth. We set out at once.
When we arrived at the heiau, Tomas and I sat on the large stone and rattled. I closed my eyes and began praying, asking the ancestors to be with us. When I opened my eyes, I turned to find a beautiful, young Hawaiian woman approaching me. She asked if I knew where the heiau was!

A tremor of wonderment flowed through me, for here was a Hawaiian asking me where her people's sacred shine was. It was as if we had changed positions on the Rainbow Bridge. I pointed behind her and watched as she climbed the cliff, placed a beautiful offering of papaya, sugar cane and ginger flower wrapped in banana leaves, said a short prayer and ran off.
I was drawn to go over to her offering and place stones of protection around it, for the wind was blowing hard. Not wanting to interfere with her prayers, I repeated a silent prayer that her prayers be heard. Moving on to the other offerings on the shrine, I continued my prayer for these seekers, as well. After a short time, I turned to see what Tomas was doing and beheld an awesome sight.

Tomas was standing on the Birthing Stone, facing the ocean. Arching over him was a full rainbow, rising out of the ocean and returning to the ocean. Tomas was directly in the center, raising his staff in prayer. I repeated my prayer: that his prayers be answered.

Later, I learned that his prayer was for his cancer to be taken from him. I know it will be a miracle if our prayers are answered. With the magical beauty of the full rainbow, though, it is easy to believe that, in that moment, the Gods and Goddesses at least heard our prayers. (I later read the legend that, at this heiau, Pele's lover was brought back to life, sliding to earth on a rainbow!)

The challenge of walking my talk with a companion who is facing his death is a tremendous test of my strength, love, compassion and insight. It feels like a story of mythic proportions.

One huge part of the story is about the alchemy that occurs when the Priestess and
Aphrodite archetypes merge within in order to care for a man who wears the cloak of the Priest of Death. From this mixture of soulful archetypes emerges the spirit of Mary Magdalene. Like Mary Magdalene with Christ, I hold our beloved Tomas in a sensuous embrace as he faces the awesome journey of persecution-like pain and a terminal diagnosis. Like Mary Magdalene, I am there to witness the resurrection of his embodied spirit.

There are many great teachings in this simultaneously ecstatic and tragic experience. Other "talk" that I "walk" in the face of the death of a lover/friend include:

• There is no time to waste.
• Don't hold back.
• Constantly and completely surrender to the love and the truth of the moment.
• Be forgiving.
• Pray for mercy and compassion.
• Be abundantly physically tender.
• Express love.
• Know when to look away.
• Let Mother Nature restore your soul.
• Involve friends, build support, let the love in.
• Know your own issues around pain, suffering and death.
• Love limitations.
• Allow tears to flow.
• Invoke and have conversations with the Divine Mother.