John Bradshaw is famous for bringing the ideas of the family relationship systems theory to the public. A theory position is that family members are not to be blamed but are part of a rigid dysfunctional relationship system. Keeping this part of the theory in mind, I do not intend to blame anyone but to inspire Euro-Americans to take responsibility.

What is not well known is that an individual has many selves within and that the systems theory applies to us. Of course, many of us aspire to be in the sphere of the Sacred Self as much as possible, but as long as we are in our bodies (alive), we need to deal with the system of selves within our personality-ego. These include the protector-controller, the inner child, the inner critic and the pusher. We usually disown other shadow parts of this inner system, such as the inner patriarch, inner judge and inner oppressor.

Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone have written about these inner selves in Embracing Our Selves and Embracing Our Inner Critic. The shadow part of us that we reject, we project on others, as in "it's those Southerners burning the churches who cause the racial problems."

In this article, I define healing as the release of fear, resulting in increasing flexibility, courage and empathy. We can learn to have the courage and will to "walk in the shoes of others." The feeling of safety grows as fear is reduced. If we face and even embrace our inner racist, we can safely look at the early child hood wounding that remains as a core of fear. By taking therapeutic actions, we can then begin to heal these wounds and feel even safer. In turn, the safety we feel inside, the more empathic we become.

Some therapeutic actions I recommend are family therapy (ask about knowledge of the systems theory), Harville Hendrix's Imago relationship therapy for couples, and Hal and Sidra Stone's Voice Dialogue for individuals. I also encourage people to include meditation, prayer, aerobic-type activities that increase endorphins, and service to others (such as volunteering at a homeless shelter) in their lives. The increased empathy that occurs leads to more flexibility and openness in the individual system.

Are you a Euro-American who is still not convinced you are part of a privileged, oppressive system? Answer the following questions and think about the implications.

Have you ever had to worry about the police hassling you because of the color of your skin? (I had a taste of this while hitchhiking around the country as a long-haired "hippie" in the '70s, except it was my choice of lifestyle, not my skin color that provoked antagonism.)

Have you ever had to worry that you might not be able to live in a particular neighborhood or rent a certain apartment or house?

Have you ever had people lock their car doors when they see you? (Again, I got a small dose of this in the '70s.)

Have you ever had to look hard for magazines, books, cards, postcards, toys or dolls that represent your race?

Have you ever not been listened to because of the color of your skin?

Have you ever had to search for educational books that accurately reflect your history and experience?

Have you ever been followed by house security in a department store?

Have you ever been out in the country and experienced fear at the sight of a truck with a gun rack?

Have you ever had a job that other people think you got solely because of the color of your skin? Or not been able to get a job at all despite equal qualifications?

Have you ever walked into an elevator and had everyone move away from you?

Have you ever felt not welcomed in a restaurant or other public facility?

These questions can go on and on, but reflect seriously on the implications. What does it feel like to be part of the color of privilege? No blame is implied; the hope is to inspire responsibility (the ability to respond). If shame and anger do come up, however, welcome them. They can provide energy to help produce the action of personal responsibility for positive change. Unlearn racism, step out of the shadow, and become a lover of the "rainbow" of diversity.