I always remember Jerry telling me. "You know, Tom, you can have peace whenever you want it to. It is up to you. But the only way it will work is 1f you make peace your only goal. Not getting something from someone, winning, being right, showing up in a certain way, or trying to control an outcome. Choose peace as your only goal. Then you need to let go of all judgements and be a love giver, extending unconditional love forgiveness to whomever you are with, including yourself ". It's a simple formula and I know it works. Sometimes it takes, real effort to make it work. In fact, twenty-three years later, it is still my daily work. Yet it is so liberating to know the choice is mine and available to me whenever I want to step up to the plate. It is in my hands.

I love the following indigenous wisdom story because it very beautifully brings this truth home.

"Once there was a wise old woman who lived in a small village. The children of the village were puzzled by her -- her wisdom, her gentleness, her strength. One day several children decided to fool the old woman They believed that no one could be as wise as everyone said she was, and were determined to prove it.

So the children found a baby bird and one of the Ii boys cupped it in his hands and said to his playmates "We'll ask her whether the bird I have in my hand is dead or alive. If she says it is dead, I will open hands and let it fly away. If she says it's alive, crush it in my hands and she'll see that it is dead.

And the children went to the old woman and presented her with this puzzle. "Old woman," the little boy as "this bird in my hands -- is it dead or alive?" The woman became very still, studied the boy's hands, then looked carefully into his eyes. "It's in your hands she said".